#10:    You have received a request to ‘like’...

 

Seriously, what’s up with the whole idea of people – your so called ‘friends’ – sending you a request to ‘like’ this band or company’s page because you’ll stand a chance to win a iPad or R10 000?

 

It’s a social media webpage to connect with one another – not the Internet, where you have all these random s#*tty advertisement pop-ups! Oh yeah, let’s not forget Online Farming a.k.a. ‘FarmVille’, which is utter bulls#*t, to say the least. These things don’t interest me at all and they’re the last things I’d like to encounter.

 

#9:       Wall Posts vs Inboxing:

 

This applies to mainly Facebook and Twitter. Try and get this right: Inboxing is for when you want to ask or convey something really personal. A wall post is for birthday wishes or just little chit-chat here and there… for example ‘I miss you’ or ‘Thanks for the awesome night’. And if that isn’t annoying enough, I won’t mention people using Wall Posts for one-on-one conversations!

 

#8:       Tweet, Tweet, Retweet:

 

We get it: you want people to know what you like, but seriously, have some original thoughts for a change! If you are going to retweet something, follow it up with something original? What is the point of having a Twitter account if all you are going to do is retweet?!

 

Remember: retweeting is not synonymous with the ‘Like’ button on Facebook, we can see your shitty retweets on our timeline.

 

#7:       Keep Calm and just... F*CK OFF!

 

‘Keep Calm’ pictures are one of the most overused and redundant things ever. It’s so two years ago (and they originated in Britain during World War II). People misuse it completely for childish banter. It’s freaking 2013, GROW UP! Really, you don’t want to be an out-dated douche.

 

#6:       #Hashtags:

 

Ever wondered why someone just unfollwed you? Yeah, you guessed it: probably ’cos you hashtag everything! Don’t get me wrong, a hashtag has its place - but damn… is it really necessary to hashtag every message? Hashtags provide a means of grouping such messages, as one can search for the hashtag and get a set of messages that contain it. More than one per tweet is a complete overkill.

 

Moral of the story: #Wecantreadyourstupidtweetwhenyouputamillionwordsinahashtagwithoutaddinganyspacesinit!

 

 

#5:       Stupid Comments:

 

Ever made an awesome status and then some f*cknut came and wasted everything? Yeah, we know… it sucks! Don’t be that guy/girl. If you can’t come up with something clever, radical or totally ignorant to get attention, just don’t comment.

 

If it’s not your business, don’t make it yours! Life would be much easier if you avoided embarrassing yourself with your dumb comments.

 

#4:       Chain Messages: If you don’t read this, you’re a fucking asshole – NB:

 

We are never ever going to believe that Bloody Mary will come to kill us if we don’t forward your retarded message to 15 other people. Neither do we believe that we will fall in love if we send this message. Chain messages have died out over the past few years: probably due to Spam Filters. Thank God for this!

 

In my opinion, a chain message is the worst way to seeking attention. I’ve never seen a tombstone that read ‘Did not forward chain messages to contact list’.

 

#3:       Punctuation:

 

Wat is up wit al da people writin on social media without usin any punctuation Didn t u learn punctuation @ school

 

Then you get these really annoying girls who think they are really aRtY bY tYPinG LikE thIS! Really, guys won’t fall in <3 with you if you do it. What are you, like eight years old?

 

It’s not cute either – stop, just stop!

 

#2:       Profile Pictures:

 

I can’t decide if this should rather be number one… either way, this is f*cking annoying. Suddenly guys start making their profile pictures shirtless bathroom pics. Really? And those ‘selfies’ that few girls can resist are just so annoying. Dammit, are you that bored? If you have 3000 odd friends on Facebook, you should have at least one ‘real life’ one that could take photos of you for crying out loud.

 

 

And finally... #1:       Status Updates!

 

Super annoying! One thing that irritates the living shit out of me is these people posting the most depressing, suicidal and stupid updates. Really: if you are depressed, social media is not the place or platform. Take that s#*t somewhere else.

 

All jokes aside, please stop doing those Digital D*ckhead things… learn and develop some social media etiquette or don’t bother at all. Please.