Ring-cuffs
By: Mellon Radebe
Would you marry someone your family thought was right for you? Better yet, would you marry someone who was old enough to be your parent or even grandparent?
Youth is a time to go out with friends. To share laughs and create memories that could be captured in pictures.
One afternoon a few weeks ago, a young woman asked me how old I was. I thought that it was strange that she would ask for my age instead of my name. I answered and asked her how old she was. She told me that she was in her mid-twenties. She went on to tell me about her son and his age. I paused for a minute, wondering how could she be in her mid-twenties and her son be so close to her age. She told me her husband’s age and I was surprised. He is more than 10 years her senior. Many say that age is just a number but not in *Mary’s case.
She told me that she had to submit to a forced marriage. Family members are usually responsible for arranging these marriages. There are various reasons for forced marriages, but in Mary’s case, it had to do with emotional abuse. Her mother passed away while she was still very young. Her aunts took her in but Mary was mistreated because they had the attitude that she wasn’t their daughter but rather their niece. They also saw her as a financial burden. Her aunt decided that she was ‘old enough’ and they weren’t willing to take care of her. She had no choice but to marry in her early teens.
Young children, including boys, are often forced to marry. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO) nine of the top ten countries with the highest rate of child marriage are in Africa: Niger, Chad, Mali, Guinea, the Central African Republic, Mozambique, Malawi, South Sudan and Burkina Faso. Mary isn’t South African but she is from Africa.
In these countries, poverty levels are quite high. Families often force their children to marry older men. These older men usually have money so they are willing to pay a ‘bride price’ and sometimes they are willing to financially support these families. Abuse is known to happen in these forced marriages.
In a small village in central Sudan, a 17-year-old girl named Sana Al-Amin was forced to marry a man in his forties. When her husband took her on their honeymoon, she refused to be intimate with him. He sent her back to her parents but her father refused to take her in. She returned to her husband and, four months later, she still refused to give in to his advances. Once more, he sent her back to her parents.
Her husband wasn’t impressed with his young bride. He went to a nearby shop and bought sulphuric acid. He spoke to one of Al-Amin’s brothers and told him to pour the supposed ‘holy water’ onto his wife’s face because it would help mend their
relationship. The brother, who was very supportive of the marriage, didn’t know that he was about
to pour a chemical that causes tissue damage onto his sister’s face.
One night as Al-Amin slept, her brother poured the sulphuric acid and her face was completely
mutilated. One of her eyes was burned beyond repair and her hair fell out.
When I read Al-Amin’s story, I couldn’t believe it. Each time I closed my eyes I saw her face.
The idea of marriage doesn’t thrill me. In fact, when my friends discuss things like marriage and how many children they want to have one day, I change the topic. However, I believe I should be able to choose which man would be the right fit for me. Maybe I’m wrong, but shouldn’t you marry someone because you care for them and not because you are young or because your family is trying to profit from you?
The men who marry these children have already lived out their youth. They have had the opportunity to experience life as single men. I can’t imagine what it is like to have to marry someone whom you don’t love and who could possibly be old enough to be your father or even grandfather.
Mary’s words to me were: “People should be able to choose whom they marry. You still have that opportunity.”
*Not her real name
